i keep forgetting to unbury myself.

if you were to dig a hole and keep digging, here in Pennsylvania, if you check the latitude lines, you would dig straight to china.  i tried this once, i made an x right there in the yard and started digging. i never seem to get far.

i’ve turned off my senses and stopped looking for things, and they’re always right in front of me.  they’re happening and my head is in the ground always and i forget to look up. look up into this thing thats right in fucking front of me.  a thousand looks, fucking blue eyes right in front of me.  waiting for me to look back and i never do.

i keep forgetting about the world because i live right now in this really small vein of existence. i am trying to remind myself to find something beautiful every day:  skunk trees growing out of an abandoned roof.  a thousand free cups of coffee. a girl who told me i was beautiful.  this song about a woman who chooses to sleep alone her entire life.

i am so much like tomas now in my life, i have become this figment of power, i have the capacity to destroy everything that comes to me because i am clinging to horse shit.  yes the flies are buzzing with gossip and noise!  lets have a party celebrating ashley’s awkward soul.

see that dot atop the mountain there off in the distance of the horizon?  yes that’s me, dangling from a crevice. if you look closely, i may wave hello, but this is an island mountain. there is no way out and no way in.

this is a dramatic interlude.    i will play every part.     this is the gestation period.   in nine months i’m fucking gone from this place.

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